8-16th
We've moved to Bartlesville, OK. And have been here for 2 weeks 2 days. Its been crazy. Andy and I are bother working again and planning the wedding.
I finally found my dress I want but cant afford it right now. It sucks. So hard to imagine how we are going to pull this wedding off. Its frustrating but we will make it. God provides for his people.
Aug. 22
Isaac is so precious to me. I cant be angry. Not at Kristy and Barry. They are trying to run a business. I am a big part of it. They cut my hours but its for a good reason. I'm pregnant. They are considering my safety and health
Aug 26
This weekend was such a whirlwind. very emotional. I know God will provide for our needs. last night we were invited over to Vic and Ellie's they are starting a church plant and really want Andy and I to be involved. Its very exciting. I 've known there was a bigger purpose for us coming to Bartlesville. This maybe it. After Sunday service at Life and meeting with the Mitchells I feel so pumped and refueled- ready to go. I need to build my spirit my knowledge my everying I am expected to be a leader a mentor a friend to the people of Bartlesville. I need to be ready. I am part of the new generation. I must be ready.
Monday, December 13, 2010
July 10 and 16th 2008
7-10-08
It may very well be possible that I am losing my mind. I swear I'm hearing music and I keep thinking its the radio. Maybe so many things seem wrong and I am trying to ignore them.
Mom and Mike hate the thought of us moving. Andy and Mike got into it last night. Its not good. If we could Andy would have had us leave last night. I just we could take the time to talk.
7-16-2008
I dont know whats wrong with me. Actually I think I do. My hormones are changing so much. I am not sleeping well. Having bizzare dreams non of them make any sense totally irrelevant to whats going on in life.
I feel I am in a void. Lately I have these random questions for Andy about his and A___'s relationship. I dont know why- well maybe because I want to know why. (Why he considered persuing her when I was pregnant) Its over and done with and I dont need to know- I shouldnt know.
Void. I am in a void. God what is wrong with my heart. I feel like I am simply existing not living. I hear Andy tell me how much he loves me but I'm not feeling anything. Its not Andy. Its me. Its my heart. I know I love him. I know he is my love. I just cant feel anything. I hate this. Why now. is it because of all the stress of moving? everything thats going on?
Its probably God. You telling me to look at you again.Stop focus on Andy, moving, my parents, my job, the baby and Isaac. I just need to come back to You, get to living and feeling love in my heart.
It may very well be possible that I am losing my mind. I swear I'm hearing music and I keep thinking its the radio. Maybe so many things seem wrong and I am trying to ignore them.
Mom and Mike hate the thought of us moving. Andy and Mike got into it last night. Its not good. If we could Andy would have had us leave last night. I just we could take the time to talk.
7-16-2008
I dont know whats wrong with me. Actually I think I do. My hormones are changing so much. I am not sleeping well. Having bizzare dreams non of them make any sense totally irrelevant to whats going on in life.
I feel I am in a void. Lately I have these random questions for Andy about his and A___'s relationship. I dont know why- well maybe because I want to know why. (Why he considered persuing her when I was pregnant) Its over and done with and I dont need to know- I shouldnt know.
Void. I am in a void. God what is wrong with my heart. I feel like I am simply existing not living. I hear Andy tell me how much he loves me but I'm not feeling anything. Its not Andy. Its me. Its my heart. I know I love him. I know he is my love. I just cant feel anything. I hate this. Why now. is it because of all the stress of moving? everything thats going on?
Its probably God. You telling me to look at you again.Stop focus on Andy, moving, my parents, my job, the baby and Isaac. I just need to come back to You, get to living and feeling love in my heart.
July 7th and 8th
7-7-08
I'm bad and read Andy's journal- but I know he read's mine too- so we're even. He refered to my being pregnant a miracle. I hadnt thought of it that way. He's right though. This baby is a miracle. an unexpected but a miracle.
Brenda is so silly. We spoke breifly last night. She asked me "Doesnt it feel good when what you've known in your heart for years comes true?"
It does. Andy loves me. We are going to get married. I'm so happy.
7-8-08
Today I get my IUD taken out. Andy has so many questions for the doctors. He should and I'm glad he does. I havent fully thoght about it yet I guess I wont really believe I'm pregnant until the ultra sound and the heart bleat or the bump is visible. There is so much to think about. moving. the dance studio. the baby.
I'm bad and read Andy's journal- but I know he read's mine too- so we're even. He refered to my being pregnant a miracle. I hadnt thought of it that way. He's right though. This baby is a miracle. an unexpected but a miracle.
Brenda is so silly. We spoke breifly last night. She asked me "Doesnt it feel good when what you've known in your heart for years comes true?"
It does. Andy loves me. We are going to get married. I'm so happy.
7-8-08
Today I get my IUD taken out. Andy has so many questions for the doctors. He should and I'm glad he does. I havent fully thoght about it yet I guess I wont really believe I'm pregnant until the ultra sound and the heart bleat or the bump is visible. There is so much to think about. moving. the dance studio. the baby.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
July 6 2008
Sometimes I wonder why Andy loves me as much as he does. He is crazy! Crazy in love with me. I am so blessed... to start life with him.
We're offically engaged. He asked me on top of the world. Because someday we will actually be on top! This is one day I will never forget!
We're offically engaged. He asked me on top of the world. Because someday we will actually be on top! This is one day I will never forget!
The Ring ^^^^
The Place >>>>>>>>>>>>
July 3rd 2008- Suprise!
Its been a crazy week. The past week and a half Andy and I had a feeling- Wednesday night it was offically confirmed. I'm pregnant again. Its been scary. I have my IUD in. I'm that one person in however many thousands that gets pregnant. The nurses were extremely concerned yesterday- a possible out come of this stituation is that I may not be able to have anymore children
But Andy has been so wonderful throught it all. So supportive. So loving. He's so excited. to be a dad again. Dont know how we are going to manage but it will be done.
My birthday is tomorrow... 21. I'm so old! haha I suspect Andy is planning something just crazy! I have my ideas..... but we'll see.
But Andy has been so wonderful throught it all. So supportive. So loving. He's so excited. to be a dad again. Dont know how we are going to manage but it will be done.
My birthday is tomorrow... 21. I'm so old! haha I suspect Andy is planning something just crazy! I have my ideas..... but we'll see.
June 2008
6-2-2008
Its Monday. I had a good weekend. Friday night Andy took me to the Ballet. It was wonderful. Andy actually liked it.
Saturday we went out to Flagler Beach- got burned. Spent some time with Grandma and watched the shuttle launch.
6-18-2008 8:25am
Its been a fre weeks since I've written. I'm sitting on the couch watching Isaac. He is being so goofy. The past few weeks have been trying. Somehow we have gone over budget paid $70 extra for rent Both went in the negative But we shall prevail. Kristy is offering me a job teaching at the Bartlesville Studio again. They have opened up a new studio in Kansas.
I would love to go back, but the expenses of the move worry me. Right now, I know I have a stinky diaper to change and a bath to administer.
6-20-2008 8:13am
Isaac is ripping apart newpaper and having a good ol' time. I'm really glad its Friday. my heart is swelling with joy. I had a rough morning. I was upset because the pancakes didnt turn out right. Andy reminded me how silly it was to be upset because we had already eaten the pancakes and they tasted fine. Andy and Isaac give me such joy. Just the thought of them makes me feel that way. joyful.
___________________________________
Note... Its a fact I still get upset when my pancakes (or any other meal for that matter) doesnt turn out right... I'm just not as dramatic about it.
Its Monday. I had a good weekend. Friday night Andy took me to the Ballet. It was wonderful. Andy actually liked it.
Saturday we went out to Flagler Beach- got burned. Spent some time with Grandma and watched the shuttle launch.
6-18-2008 8:25am
Its been a fre weeks since I've written. I'm sitting on the couch watching Isaac. He is being so goofy. The past few weeks have been trying. Somehow we have gone over budget paid $70 extra for rent Both went in the negative But we shall prevail. Kristy is offering me a job teaching at the Bartlesville Studio again. They have opened up a new studio in Kansas.
I would love to go back, but the expenses of the move worry me. Right now, I know I have a stinky diaper to change and a bath to administer.
6-20-2008 8:13am
Isaac is ripping apart newpaper and having a good ol' time. I'm really glad its Friday. my heart is swelling with joy. I had a rough morning. I was upset because the pancakes didnt turn out right. Andy reminded me how silly it was to be upset because we had already eaten the pancakes and they tasted fine. Andy and Isaac give me such joy. Just the thought of them makes me feel that way. joyful.
___________________________________
Note... Its a fact I still get upset when my pancakes (or any other meal for that matter) doesnt turn out right... I'm just not as dramatic about it.
May 25 2008
8:48pm
Today was such an awesoem day.I got to see Chelsea for a few hours. We joined her for church at Northland in Longwood. It was pretty much amazing then we went to the Korea House. Chel got to tell me stories about her mom's trip to Isreal. In Amsterdam her mom layed hands on a man and he was brought back to life after being dead for 20 minutes. Then while in Jeruselem She went to the Upper Room where Jesus and His disciples broke bread. She was praying and her spirit was transported into Heaven. She saw the throne and all the Fruits of the Spirit were poured into her chest. A woman with them was taking pictures when they looked back at the pictures they saw orbs near her chest getting smaller as if going into her. AMAZING
I wish to have faith like that. To believe like she does. Unafraid. deep. unbreakable. untouchable.
I know Chelsea's heart is so similar to her mother's
I was so glad to have seen Chel. She was one of my closest friends while in Oklahoma and still is I pray I keep her close for a very long time.
Chel was telling me how the Lord wanted her to give up dance. COMPLETELY. And I wondered if God has that same thought in mind for me. I miss dancing but I feel like my gift is gone.
... I'm going to go eat some ice cream. YUMMY!
Today was such an awesoem day.I got to see Chelsea for a few hours. We joined her for church at Northland in Longwood. It was pretty much amazing then we went to the Korea House. Chel got to tell me stories about her mom's trip to Isreal. In Amsterdam her mom layed hands on a man and he was brought back to life after being dead for 20 minutes. Then while in Jeruselem She went to the Upper Room where Jesus and His disciples broke bread. She was praying and her spirit was transported into Heaven. She saw the throne and all the Fruits of the Spirit were poured into her chest. A woman with them was taking pictures when they looked back at the pictures they saw orbs near her chest getting smaller as if going into her. AMAZING
I wish to have faith like that. To believe like she does. Unafraid. deep. unbreakable. untouchable.
I know Chelsea's heart is so similar to her mother's
I was so glad to have seen Chel. She was one of my closest friends while in Oklahoma and still is I pray I keep her close for a very long time.
Chel was telling me how the Lord wanted her to give up dance. COMPLETELY. And I wondered if God has that same thought in mind for me. I miss dancing but I feel like my gift is gone.
... I'm going to go eat some ice cream. YUMMY!
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