March 12, 2010
Its 2010!You know I dont know why I ever stopped writing. Maybe its because I dont have as many "issues" anyway. I dont have to write about how much I wanted Andy- cause he is mine and I can just look into his eyes and tell him myself.
The whole point of writing today was because I had a moment today. I read Andy's old journal from A______(her... yes her) It didnt ame me angry or sad.
But I actually began to wonder about her. Who is she really? I feel bad for her. I do believe from some emails she had sent Andy- she was or is jealous of the life that we have made for ourselves.
I wonder what she is doing now- has she found true happiness? Has she ever really connected with Jesus? I want that for her. But in my heart I know she hasnt.
Its funny how sometimes I find myself 'intrigued' by her- by the woman who had captivated Andy. The woman who saw me as the enemy. Really I am intrigued.
Its unfortunate though. There are so many women out there like her. Women who blindfold everyone around them but never showing who they really are.
I suppose I should update my journal on where we are in life. We moved Feb. 1st to Bentonville Arkansas. Andy was promoted to Manager- the reason we relocated and I gave up dancing. It has been an interesting transition. I miss it though. The boys are wonderful. Liam turned 1- we went to Florida to suprise my mom. It rocked!
I think I shoudl find a job- but I'm pretty sure it wouldnt be cost efffective.
I am 40 lbs overweight. and struggling to lose it. I want to be Andy's trophy wife. Not because its what he wants. (He already sees me as his prize) But I want it for myself. I want to feel healthy. I want to feel good about myself and feel good in what I wear. I want to feel confident. Its a slow process. Andy believes in me. Now I need to believe in myself.