September 2008

9-3
Its been a long day today, I feel like my patience was tested and I failed miserably. By the time I got home this evening my heart was so heavy. I have treated Isaac horribly. I yelled. I screamed. I was so angry and frustrated, I cried. And he cried because I was angry. I was angry because he wouldnt stop crying. I had forgotten the innocense of my child. I know I was wrong. I can admit that. I can only pray that GOd will give me the strength, wisdom, courage, and patience that it takes to be a mom. I have made it so far, but I know it gets harder. It seems one child now is hard- 2 will be even harder. Whats crazy is Andy wants more.

9-20
Today is the last day (I hope) of being sick. Monday (15th) I woke up at 2:00am throwing up and with diahrea. We went to the ER it helped me get through Monday and that was it. The rest of the week I stayed home either on the couch or next to the toilet. But the one thing that brought me some relaxation and comfort was showertime. It gave me time to just think. It was by Wednesday that it became God time. I spent alot of time talking and listening. I asked and questioned my faith. I feel like my faith isnt strong enough- My lack of faith in my faith makes me stumble It is why He doesnt or is unable to move in me the way he could. I, myself, am stopping him. I need to not do that.
Tonight I just thought about the week, And how much Andy loves me. Thursday night I got sick, he stood next to me and held back my hair, rubbed my back and just held me. I love him so much. He is home now- Time to spend time with my love.