July 10 and 16th 2008

7-10-08
It may very well be possible that I am losing my mind. I swear I'm hearing music and I keep thinking its the radio. Maybe so many things seem wrong and I am trying to ignore them.
Mom and Mike hate the thought of us moving.  Andy and Mike got into it last night. Its not good. If we could Andy would have had us leave last night. I just we could take the time to talk.

7-16-2008
I dont know whats wrong with me. Actually I think I do. My hormones are changing so much. I am not sleeping well. Having bizzare dreams non of them make any sense totally irrelevant to whats going on in life.
I feel I am in a void. Lately I have these random questions for Andy about his and A___'s relationship. I dont know why- well maybe because I want to know why. (Why he considered persuing her when I was pregnant) Its over and done with  and I dont need to know- I shouldnt know.
Void. I am in a void. God what is wrong with my heart. I feel like I am simply existing not living. I hear Andy tell me how much he loves me but I'm not feeling anything. Its not Andy. Its me. Its my heart. I know I love him. I know he is my love. I just cant feel anything. I hate this. Why now. is it because of all the stress of moving? everything thats going on?
Its probably God. You telling me to look at you again.Stop focus on Andy, moving, my parents, my job, the baby and Isaac. I just need to come back to You, get to living and feeling love in my heart.